Progress Isn’t Linear, It’s Internal: What I’m Learning From Parts Work
I’ve been sitting with this idea lately: what if progress isn’t about how far we’ve come, but about how deeply we’re willing to turn toward ourselves?
This week I’m attending an in-person Internal Family Systems (IFS) training, and already I’m reflecting on what “progress” really means in therapy and in life. I’m not certified in IFS, just beginning to learn more about it and how to integrate parts work into therapy, but it’s already reshaping how I think about healing. I recently finished reading No Bad Parts by Dr. Richard Schwartz, the founder of IFS, and learned so much about how each part of us carries wisdom and intention beneath its pain. The book beautifully explains how every part of us has a purpose, even the ones we often wish away.
IFS is a therapeutic model that views the mind as made up of different parts, each with its own role, emotion, and history. Some parts carry pain or fear, while others step in to protect us from that pain. Rather than trying to get rid of these parts, IFS invites us to build a relationship with them through curiosity and compassion. The goal isn’t to fix or silence them, but to understand what they’re trying to do for us.
When Progress Feels Slow
There are days when it feels like we’re backsliding. Maybe we react in old ways, overthink, shut down, or feel emotions we thought we’d already processed. From the outside it can look like we’ve lost ground, but in IFS we might see it differently: as a part of us resurfacing because it finally feels safe enough to be seen.
That reframing alone changes everything. Suddenly, feeling stuck isn’t a failure. It’s communication. Something inside is saying, “Hey, I still need your attention.”
Getting to Know Our Parts
IFS teaches that we all have inner parts such as the anxious one, the caretaker, the inner critic, the avoider, and the overachiever. None of them are bad. Every part developed for a reason, usually to protect us from pain or help us survive something overwhelming.
I’ve been realizing that when I rush myself, or others, to move on, it’s often one of my own parts trying to manage discomfort. Maybe it’s the achiever part that wants to do healing right. That part has good intentions too; it just needs a little compassion.
What Progress Actually Looks Like
Sometimes progress is a big breakthrough, like setting a boundary or staying calm where there used to be reactivity. Other times it’s quieter. It might look like pausing long enough to notice an inner voice instead of fusing with it. Or feeling tenderness for a younger part that’s always been pushed aside. These moments might not look impressive from the outside, but they show a deeper shift. They reflect a growing relationship with your internal world.
The Gentle Work of Turning Toward
The longer I do this work, both personally and professionally, the more I’m convinced that healing isn’t about erasing parts of ourselves. It’s about integration. It’s learning to meet the anxious, the angry, the avoidant, and the perfectionist with curiosity instead of judgment.
Progress isn’t linear because relationship isn’t linear. Trust takes time, even within ourselves. So if things feel slow or messy, or like you’re circling back again, maybe that’s not a setback. Maybe that’s your system inviting you to listen more deeply. To notice which part of you is showing up and to remind it that it’s not alone anymore.
If you’re curious to learn more about IFS, No Bad Parts is a wonderful place to start. I’ll also be linking a few resources soon for those interested in exploring parts work further.
To your brave beginnings,
Alexis
