How Attachment Theory Shapes Therapy and the Healing Process

Attachment is not just something that happens in childhood. It is a relational blueprint that continues to shape how we connect, protect, and show up, especially in the therapy room.

What is attachment, really?

At its core, attachment is the emotional bond we form with our earliest caregivers. These early relationships teach us what to expect from others and from ourselves. Were we met with comfort, presence, and consistency? Or were we left wondering if our needs were too much? These questions, even if unspoken, live on in our bodies and behaviors well into adulthood.

Where the theory came from

John Bowlby, a British psychoanalyst, first explored this idea in the mid-20th century. He believed that our need for connection was biological, not just emotional. Mary Ainsworth expanded on his work through her “Strange Situation” research (Youtube video linked), identifying key attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant, and later, disorganized.
Their contributions reshaped psychology and continue to influence how many therapists approach healing today.

Attachment patterns do not disappear, they adapt

In therapy, attachment patterns often emerge without us realizing it. You might find yourself trying to be the “perfect client,” afraid to take up too much space. Or you may hesitate to reach out between sessions, even when you need support. These responses are not random. They reflect strategies you learned to stay safe in relationships.

The therapy relationship as a new experience

Therapists who work from an attachment lens notice how these patterns unfold in the room. They help create a different kind of relational experience-one where it is safe to be curious, unsure, emotional, or even messy. Over time, the therapeutic relationship itself can become a place to experience what secure attachment actually feels like.

Rewiring through reflection, parts work, and body-based tools

This is where the deeper work begins. Therapy becomes a kind of emotional GPS, helping you tune into what you need, how you protect yourself, and where there may be space to move differently.

Attachment-focused therapy often includes exploring past relationships, examining core beliefs, and working with internal conflict. Parts work helps make sense of these inner tensions, like when one part longs for closeness and another pulls away to stay safe.
Somatic practices can also support this work. Since early attachment patterns are often held in the body, paying attention to physical cues like tension, numbness, or restlessness can offer another route toward healing and regulation.

It takes time, and you do not have to do it alone

Healing attachment wounds is not quick work. But it is possible. And you are not meant to do it alone. The therapy space can become a place to practice something new. Not just insight, but embodied safety and connection.

If you want to explore further, this article from the Attachment Project goes into depth on the different attachment styles.

To your brave beginnings,
Alexis