Grief in Disguise: The Losses We Don’t Always Recognize
When Joy Feels Heavy
Have you ever felt sad in the middle of a season you thought was supposed to be nothing but happy? Maybe after you got married, moved into your dream home, or started a new career. You were excited, and yet an unexpected heaviness lingered in the background.
That heaviness? It might be grief.
We often think of grief only in connection with death. But at its core, grief is our emotional response to loss, and loss shows up in far more places than we expect. Sometimes the loss is obvious. Other times it hides inside life stages that, from the outside, look like nothing but gain.
Redefining Grief
Grief is not a sign of ingratitude. It’s a sign that something meaningful has shifted. When we move through major changes, even good ones, we often leave behind parts of our identity, routines, freedoms, or expectations. That loss can stir up real, valid grief.
In my work as a therapist, I’ve seen this hidden grief surface in many forms. Sometimes it rises up in moments that are supposed to be purely joyful, like marriage or a new opportunity. Other times it appears in seasons of challenge, like living with chronic pain or adapting to illness. Regardless of the context, naming and honoring loss often brings a deep sense of relief and validation.
Unfortunately, our culture doesn’t talk about this much. We praise resilience and “looking on the bright side,” but we rarely give people space to acknowledge that joy and loss can exist together.
Where Unexpected Grief Hides
Grief often sneaks in where we least expect it. Moving to a new city can feel adventurous while quietly leaving us missing the community and routines we left behind. Career changes may bring fresh opportunities but also a sense of loss for the identity or rhythm we once knew. Relationships can hold both joy and grief too, whether through marriage shifting old friendships or divorce altering a shared vision for the future.
And when it comes to our bodies, the grief can feel especially hidden. Living with chronic pain, illness, or injury often requires us to adapt to a “new normal” while quietly mourning the life we had before.
Why This Grief Often Goes Unseen
These losses don’t come with a funeral or public ritual. They’re easy for others to miss, and too often they’re dismissed with phrases like “At least you have…” or “You should be happy.”
But the truth is, you’re allowed to acknowledge what you’ve lost even in seasons full of blessings. Doing so doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful. It means you’re human.
Naming and Honoring Hidden Grief
Here are a few gentle ways to honor your grief:
• Name it: write down what has changed or what you miss
• Share it: talk with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist
• Mark the transition: create a small ritual to say goodbye to the version of life you’re leaving behind
• Give yourself grace: joy and grief can hold hands, it’s okay to feel both
Every ending carries the seed of a beginning, and every beginning contains a quiet ending. When we name our hidden griefs, we give them the space to soften. And in that space, we can carry forward both gratitude for what is and tenderness for what was.
If you find yourself in a season of hidden grief or life transition, know you don’t have to carry it alone. This is the kind of work I love to walk alongside clients in.
To your brave beginnings,
Alexis
